Refuge of the Complex

 Lately I couldn't stop the many chatters inside my head. I had been very busy moving around too much, turning like a hurricane, always trying to outrun something. What was it that I was running after? And when tired, all I wanted to do was lean back and see things in a different way. 

I am moved deeply by individuals who take some pleasure in being simple. In being humble in their ways and unmoved by whatever happens in the world. Though I do not consider that trait at all as being passive, there is  a screaming wisdom in just being calm and at peace with the world. With nothing to anxious about. With being satisfied. With seeing big things in what is little. 

Despite the distance of my house from grandma's, I made a point to visit my daughter who is on vacation there. In Julienne's company, all big dreams in the world seem to fall away, and all that matters is the little world that exists in those little hoop of her arms. There's a whole world around young children. They see the smallest piece of cookie crumb on the bed and try to pick it up with their small fingers. They see the small, the simple.

Now I am trying to appreciate the lace-like patterns on the wings of a dragonfly.

Getting a Grip

It seems, these days, I have been a hurricane going about in different directions. Too many hats to wear, too many tasks at a time. But isn't this what I've always wanted? Drink it up!

Book Cover for 2nd Edition

Here's the cover of my book for second edition. Release is not yet final.

Searching the Soul

 It must be because I am getting older that there are already many chatters inside my head. The more one knows, the more one asks, and the more questions unfold. It must be because, too, that I spend so much time alone, with books and writings at home, that there is just too much space for so many musings. I almost have this desire always to go some place, a church perhaps, some temple.

I was raised a Catholic. There were just too many trips to church with my grandma and my family to the church, and too many sermons heard.

 But I remember, I was fascinated most about the details of the church's insides, like statues of angels and stained glass windows, and church songs. Hardly an irreplaceable experience.

Oh, God, I am growing older.

Thinking

I've been thinking quite too much these days. I guess it happens even after things turn out to be just too happy and glorious. The weekend has been very happy, I almost didn't want it to end. I was with my little family. Now things are about to change late this year. I'm thinking of leaving Manila and go back to my hometown. I guess perspectives change when you already have a child- you wake up one day and realize that you're not just living for yourself but for someone else.

Snapshots

At the port. I love the pink bicycle.

Time for Myself

Julienne Roux is on vacation with grandma until the weekend, my husband is up in the mountain resort, cooking. I have the house all to myself. Much of the house work is finished, the books are out in the shelves, the fridge is full, I am on a lazy diet. This morning I just dropped by my shoemaker and asked for a quotation for the new suede shoes that I plan to have made in August. Tomorrow I'll be on my way to the National Library, and afterwards do a little shopping, then have coffee in the afternoon.

I miss that little bit of myself amid all this adjustments in the family and married life. It's the little madnesses of life that spur my creativity to write another book. Quite a lot of chatters in my head, I need a little music like this one.